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2011

I started from scratch, I pieced myself together one step at a time. 

2010 was the bottom of the pit for me; the stress, the drama, the self-pity. 

Honestly, I lost myself, all the control, everything.

I got tangled in colossal mess. I still regret every mistake I made.

It's quite frightening how I let me despise myself so much.

I was just bottom-line, sick of it all. 

First of all, I yearned to get back on my feet.

For so long I felt like a wilted flower begging for sunlight, but all that I really got was rain.

I had been too strong for too long, the walls around me were caving in.

I had forgotten about the muscle in my chest.

The exemplary illustration of life, a beating heart. 

There was that evidence that I was still human, despite how most of the time days passed and I ceased to exist.

How could I ever love anything else, if I hadn't loved myself first?

I needed to learn how to love again, as blatant as it sounds. 

Though most of the time it seemed like I had my shit together,

I was just desperate to distract myself from the unfaltering reality that it was extremely difficult to do alone. 

I made a ton of new friends, and I thank every single one of them for plainly making me happy and keeping me occupied.

However, poor judgement and sheer folly led me to hurting quite a few people too.

But how could I have opened up, if they were leaning on the other side of the door too eager to listen?

The year was a bitch slap to the face.

Losing the family's main source of income,  realisation of incompetence in school, and utter disappointments every day.

I was caught in the eye of a tornado surrounded by all the hullaballoo around me, I didn't know what to focus on.

I. lost. control.

Meeting someone like Hafiz was a miracle.

God knew I was on the verge of falling again, and somehow Hafiz came and grabbed me by the hand.

Sometimes I feel as though he's my guardian angel.

I'm not even peeved as I normally would be cause I typed something as cliched as that.

Now that's something.

Another cliched thing I'm about to mention is how he makes me want to believe in myself.

He teaches me how to let go, to be patient, to be humble, to have faith, and mostly, to love myself.

This part's in present tense, because he never stops trying.

I never thought I'd find anyone like that, in my life, ever.

Now I feel truly blessed.

At least one part of my life's so much more bearable.

It's always great to feel like you're not alone anymore.

I guess slowly, everything will fall into place, I believe.

My dad got a new location for a new gym, my prayers go out to him.

It kills me to see my mother cry and my father look so helpless.

2011, you've been a year of many reflections and lessons learnt.

I express my utmost gratitude to you, thank you.