98

I wish I could tell you how much I miss you, without seeming so vulnerable. I wish I could tell you how much I miss spending every waking moment possible with you, in our own little world, just to forget the real one outside of it. I wish I could tell you how scary it is for me, to no longer have you around, to keep my chin up, to have someone to talk to at the end of the day. I wish I could tell you how much I miss giving you my 120%, and not merely the 20% I've been giving. I wish I could tell you how much it sucks to want to be your girlfriend, but I know I can't give you that, not right now, not like this. I wish you could see through my distance and realise I really need to stand on my own, so I could be better for us. I wish you knew how it's like when I can't turn to you for warmth anymore, you're cold and far away right now, and I hate that. I wish you'd listen, really listen, and hear the pain in my heart when I say I can't be with you anymore, not because I don't love you, but because I can't bear seeing you unhappy with me. I wish you knew, I wish you believed me when I tell you I honestly do love you, and I'd rather love you from a distance than be bound to you yet not able to give you everything you need. I wish I could tell you all this, without you pushing it away, as if it doesn't matter, because it does. You matter, we matter, this is just something I've got to do for myself.

Between the bright lights all I see is your silhouette 
the outline of an abyss so dark and empty
a faceless shape reminding me of regret
of how you lost your colours of me